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This is a story about me, written as I perceive life. Its many parts and pieces, as words, were scattered onto a page, written in nonsense order, like my thoughts and experiences, disjointed in time, then re-assembled into some sort of coherent sequence, into a story of self. My life is not linear, nor are my thoughts. Perhaps this is true of everyone, perhaps not. Memories are a lot like that. The past and present intermingling in the mind. It is the future that has always been so difficult for me. I sometimes get the moments out of sequence and until it happens and I realize the sequence it seems like nonsense.

In my everyday, I sometimes find moments that seem to last far longer than others. Moments are a lot like soap bubbles to me, adrift and bouncing in a gentle breeze of time. I have in life found many moments from now and then. Some are from the future and some are from the past. I have tried for many years to determine which is which. But despite my efforts, the 'how to know', or 'how to tell', the difference, eludes me still. What I do know is that each moment is a possibility, an opportunity of potential. What I didn't know was that feelings unlike information can not be transmitted through time. Feelings are only found in moments. This was perhaps the most profound discovery I have ever made.

I spent my years in solitude, detached and ever alone. Content to watch the waves and flickers of molecules, content to gather moments in my basket, content to be and yet wonder if I was truly alone. Moments from some future time would hold a glimpse of what I might someday find. I tried to capture those moments that held such beauty and promise, to be within them, my sense and being. As moments coalesced into years, my life became a story.

I grew in life to learn and explore, to discover and uncover the ideas of 'why' and to touch the ever more. I sought the 'how' in everything and considered the 'what' to be an illusion. It is the song most religions sing. I wanted a purpose, something I could do, a way to share the wonder and awe of this blessed experience. Perhaps it is my struggle in life, my purpose, to integrate myself and become attached to a reality. I know now, that there is more to the illusion than others have found.

There are a lot of coincidence right now in my life. Synchronicities that reinforce my path. The past few days and weeks have been profound. I've always been a child in this body of mine. Thrilled with every thing I see and in love with all of time. Such awe and wonder in this world, such a blessing to be alive and sing along with this life divine. This incredible planet and all its sights and sounds fill up my soul. To have the chance to feel and to share in a moment, the feeling of belonging to one another is to be 'God'.

I spent many years tearing down the dams built long ago. Those close to me in life have felt this and have reached out to connect and share their moments with me. It is a great and humbling experience to know that they are friends. I have spent my life polishing the lens of consciousness. I knew that it was important, for in moments I had glimpses of why. The passion I experience, the love I feel, is becoming more focused and clear.

Perhaps I will always bounce around in time. Trying to convey the feelings and wonder to the 'me' of then. Storing hope and faith in messages to be found in moments. I like this life of mine. I am honored to have known so many loving and caring people, even if they maybe just dreams of mine. I trust they are real and know that they feel. They are more than just friends, they are time. It is with you that I dance and in you I see the beauty of being, with you I feel the wonder of joy, for you I feel adoration, and love; being touched by 'God'

This is my life, my time of being.



 
 

 

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