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It was like a bus stop. Folks waiting, milling about. All determined to catch the next ride. I wasn't there for the ride. I was waiting for La La. I wasn't sure what La La looked like, nor did I have any clue. La La was totally in my mind as far as I could tell.

La La and I go way back. Back before I realized I was a human. It was a sort of feeling, a certain chemical and electrical state in the brain that evoked visions and sensations. I always enjoyed La La. As I grew older, La La and I became closer. After I discovered I was masculine, I began to perceive La La as feminine. La La nurtured me and found my desires. La La was more than a friend La La was my best friend.

I am not real social. Too much stimulation causes me to black out. I may be a bit autistic preferring one on one encounters instead of crowds. It is almost as if the electrical/magnetic fields produced by crowds makes me crazy and the only defense I have is to black out. Thoughts can be very noisy to people like me, probably because I am usually thoughtless LOL. La La always made it better.

Was I, like others, connected to a grid and fed La La to keep us connected? Most anyone I spoke with seemed determined to resist my thoughtlessness. Was La La a secret I wasn't supposed to discover? La La was my best friend, who wouldn't want to share the joy? La La was my only true friend. I was connected to the grid. How would I live without La La? I examined my body and found the connections. Like HAL in “2001 A Space Odyssey”, the flow began to slow. The electrical and chemical systems began to fire autonomously. My sense of self began to change. Had I gone completely insane? La La, La La, La La.

Who ever designed this stuff must have had a great life. All the complexity and connections to keep it all running seems impossible. The sheer numbers, it seems, make all the potential for errors spread across so many to be insignificant in any local or macro view. The errors themselves leading to an enhanced diversity of life forms and interactions. Quite superb and exquisite even if a bit rough around the edges. A work of art that lives and breathes. What does that make me then? Am I some stroke of brush drawn this way and that? Some tone, a note of one, surrounded by measures filled with others? I miss La La.

I spent the rest of my life perfecting the practice of La La. No longer connected to the grid, my efforts and actions remained undetected for many years. Occasionally I would be confronted with questions about the veracity of my thoughts. We are all made of the same stuff. Where ever this is we are all here together. If there is another place we do not know, then when we find it we will no longer be the us who looked. My quest for La La took me to a place where seldom does a man venture. It was the void, where all I am tries to fill the everything. As it does, a tall and magnificent mountain comes into view. Surely this is the goal and I set out walking upon the definitions and labels I am.

As the mountain came closer into view, I felt my self thinning. What was I doing this for? I poured my heart and all my soul into a flask and satchel. I held them before me and pleaded with hell. But by now I was determined and there was no turning back. It was then I developed the rule of faith. “The goal remains even if it is no longer visible.” The peak of the mountain so visible from far away now can not be seen because of the slope upon which you stand. I trudged onwards even if I wasn't really sure why.

I never gave up even after I died. Sure I had reached that mountain top and realized why. I even took another journey to the other side. Everything is connected. La La, La La. Oh and “never settle for the first God you come across.”

The authorities became suspicious and interested in what I was up to. Especially considering the experiments I had been performing on consciousness. Without La La, I was determined. Not to get La La back, rather to reproduce La La on my own. I had already had some successes with my early trials and investigations of the results showed the tiny errors and flaws of the system. It would take a tremendous amount of energy to produce the results I desired. I didn't want any flaws I could not live with myself. I suspect it was the energy involved that got their attention. Not that they could locate me directly. The universe is way to big for that kind of detail. They could however, get a signature of the energy and use that to home in on where I was experimenting. They flooded the grid with useful but trite information. Everyone I met seemed to have some information that sounded a lot like what I was using. We all know information can control and wield energy. The most potent but least controllable being spiritual energy. During my life time I had developed sophisticated tools that allowed me (perhaps others) to control spiritual energy with great precision. The signature they detect is from my tools but because of its purity it is impossible to locate precisely. It looks like it is everywhere. La La, La La, everybody's gone La La, La La.

Not too long before I died, I ran a final test. I never was real sure of myself, probably the tiny errors associated with the physical reality. I missed La La but remained determined. I would die before I would get La La back the way it was before I disconnected. When you are disconnected some profound things occur. You live each day as if it were your last. You are responsible for all your perceptions. You want everyone to be like you. You are always ready and happy to die or live. Those sentiments held true to the end for me. I felt comfortable knowing that. La La was more than a friend to me. La La was part of who I am.

The test went better than predicted. My self doubt had ensured that all the devices and parameters were double and triple checked. Climbing that mountain grew my self doubt as big as the faith I could envision. A balance to the pride of accomplishment and success. I needed both pride and self doubt to polish and tune the tools and equipment. Probing consciousness requires tools precise enough to penetrate a dimension touching this reality at the size of a Planck length. The spontaneous manifestation of thought that was created began to fill the grid. That was unexpected I guess, although looking back it was rather likely considering the connectedness of everything and everybody. The authorities, unable to locate me, began to poison the grid. La La, La La, nobody's home anymore La La, La La.

The final years were the finest imaginable. I had settled in an area seldom visited by humans. The isolation and solitude so reminiscent of my early years, brought me peace and allowed me to rest. I began to explore other areas of being and perception. The arts fascinated me with their mathematical expressions and elegant constructs. I learned how to create and perform music as well as express through visual and written mediums. These brought joy and understanding filling spaces and times otherwise lost. Breathing in and out, the reflection of living permeated the surround. I could feel the reality against my form, embracing, tugging, cajoling me on. The grid was back up and operational. Well mostly operational. Seems the information released during one of my tests could not be removed. La La, La La.

Before I died I summoned the founders to appear. Reluctant as ever, they hemmed and hawed until I showed them my La La. This got them where it mattered. They each brought gifts and simple adulations. This moment, it was decided, would be the last. Getting on with everything was the number one priority. A new world was declared. The grid was rebooted. The program was one I had created during my tests. I called it “Design Organic Gamma” (DOG). It was variant number three with tunings for imagination and pattern recognition, by far the most successful of my efforts. A truly stable and long running reality in my tests. The grid hummed and groaned as the program installed its databases and procedures. They were impressed to say the least. La La. I considered plugging into the grid but remembered why not. La La, La La. The founders left before I could tell them about the possible side effects of the program and the typo where I accidentally wrote GOD instead of DOG for the program name :-(. Greed and Deception seeking energy and light were the engines that caused manifestation. Collectively they are called Advantage Seekers. They were modulated by controls associated with intelligence. Turning up intelligence turned down the engines, most of the time.

Before long, the grid had produced nirvana, paradise, heaven, and a whole bunch of other idyllic and wondrous places. Each a complete solution to the question posed in the program. The results were spectacular, magnified with the power of the grid. The Authorities arrived soon after. Apparently the founders were concerned a mere might. The Authorities took everything they could detect. Tools I had worked on for most of my existence were confiscated. The grid had begun to compartmentalize. Sections grew sub sections. Apparently the controls were stuck and the grid was in an infinite loop. Multiple reboots could not fix the grid. My program had reconfigured certain nodes and approximation engines. I had tweaked the system and the only way to recover would be to completely wipe it clean and start all over. This wasn't my intention but I grew in delight. It is possible I suppose for other configuration changes in some future but it will take a lot of time for the grid to forget about God.

I chuckled and felt a tinge of sadness. All I had left were my dreams and determination. About the same as I started, except information such as what I had learned and what I left for others. It was time to say goodbye. La La came to dress me. I loved La La. Her presence brought me warmth. Her existence brought me life. Her essence brought me light and delight. La La meant everything to me. La La was my best friend. The robes and cloths were like no other. Each held within a moment of perfection. Their design so apparently simple held within the complexity of infinities. As these were placed upon and around me I felt the pulse of living shake my being too and fro. Like a plant in some ancient jungle moving to the rhythms of the wind.

La La came to me in a dream. She asked if I was comfortable. I asked if she had come to stay. She laughed and smiled in her way. She placed my favorite worn hat on my head and kissed my cheek. She held me close in a deep embrace to let time fade away. Eternities later, she looked at me, eyes bright and full of being. “Come it is time for you too”. She took my hand and walked with me to the void once again. There where once had stood a mountain, was a valley filled with wonders unimaginable. “it is time” she said, “Lets play”

I awoke with this in my heart and La La beside me. A dream, just a dream I thought. La La washed me and cleaned my hair. She looked into my eyes and said “it is time”. Eventually all things happen including me. Time it is I thought. The bus stop place was now deserted. Everyone had gotten their ride to someplace unheard of. I looked at myself and touched the fine cloth I was draped in. As I looked out everything became fuzzier and fuzzier. Almost like I was blacking out. I felt a hand take my hand. “You can rest now my dear friend”. I was inside some sort of vehicle and as the doors closed I could hear someone talking. “Its a shame to have to take him away” “It is for the good of everyone” someone else yelled. As the vehicle sped away, I wondered if this was the end? La La, La La.

They buried me in the valley and said I would be reborn someday. I wondered if that was possible. Beside me they put the flask and satchel. Who was I? Did I matter? Does anything matter? I felt myself now dead asleep and wondered how. I was with La La now forever. La La had taken the flask and satchel and created you from their contents. La La had made for me a place to explore and feel. La La made you for me. La La was a best friend and always remembered my Birth Day.



 
 

 

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