The Smar Tapes

#1 Love Is Blind

I came from a big family, nine kids and a Mom. We lived in a new neighborhood, a well spread out community. Our nearest neighbor was far away enough to not bother us, but close enough to see. Dad was always gone, busy with his work. Mom said she missed him. She always spoke highly of him, her love for him was sincere and deep.

I wasn't the smallest or the biggest, someplace in the middle. I was pretty vibrant, hyper-active. The big kids said I was retarded, like the little ones, and made me cry. Mom was very concerned. She held me close and whispered "Of all my children, you are my favorite", "I love you all, please forgive them." Reassured, I went back to play.

It happened all of a sudden. Kind-a-like a clock, you can't see the hour hand move, but surely it does. There they were. The big kids had gathered together and began picking on me. I asked them to stop, but that didn't help. Mom heard the racket and got upset. She must be blind. She blasted them, not seeing that I was between Mom and them. Most of the children died. The blast of rage was terrible. In my sorrow, my father came to console me. He brought with him the Smar Tapes. While recovering, I enjoyed fathers' presence and grew to know him. One day, one of my children told me that he met the GameMaster.

#2 The GameMaster

A strange fellow, not someone you'd like to meet alone in the dark.

We first met as I wandered through the forest. It was a truly beautiful summers day. Mom and Granddad were playing my song from the Smar Tapes.

He was sitting on a rock, almost covered with blackberry vines. He welcomed me to sit and play a game with him. From the top of the rock, surrounded by blackberries was the most beautiful flower, and like its life he called it a rose. He asked me what I would do with the rose if it was mine. "I'd give it to Mom." He gave me the flower. How he got it was like levitation. Then he said goodbye. I hurried home and gave Mom the flower. She was pleased, until Granddad saw it and left. Mom help me close and loved me deep. "Son, you must leave. Things are looking bad." "Where shall I go?" "Away" is all she would say. Walking with nowhere to go took me through the forest, but I couldn't find the GameMaster. Mom gave me back the rose which I couldn't seem to get rid of. I tried leaving it to only later find it on me. I gave up trying to dispose of the rose and lived in the forest. I missed Mom and it seems I was the only one of the kids to enter the forest. I loved Mom dearly. It was the rose, that first I loved, cursed now my albatross.

#3 The Dream

It was strange and wonderfull. From the blackness light exploded. It hurt my I's. Screaming silence hurt my ears.

The world I remembered, once so hated, now so dear. I felt so helpless. Moving spasmodically, my hands and feet refused to be controlled. Defenseless, a living toy, a rag-doll toy given to a small child. All I could do was lay there thinking and screaming. As I grew, I remembered the rose and Mom, yet they were becoming faint. "I must never forget", I thought to myself. The child once took me to the Great Room. There were pictures of Mom on the wall. I got all excited. The child noticed and said it was her Mom. She lived alone away from her children. A past trauma prevented communication. In a vase on the mantle was at least a dozen roses. I was horrified. I wanted to leave immediately. We were never to return to the room. At least I never did. "Mom" I cried, "Have I done this?" I couldn't eat, and mostly cried. 

The child loved me, still I soon grew weak and died, but didn't forget. If I were God, you could be you, and I'd be anything you like. If I were God, I'd let you, God be, I'd let you , God play. It could be your game. Have your dreams come true. Put fish in the sea, over all it rule. Or, you could be me and let someone else be you. If we were God it'd be the same.

As far as I could tell, I was all be invisible. Nobody saw me, or even acknowledged my presence.

I found the GameMaster. "Let's play" I said. He might as well have been sleeping. I knew the game and couldn't tell him. Oh well, it didn't matter now. I hugged Mom and felt her pain. She would always be my Mom, near and dear to me. Her brothers and sisters were getting together again. They are so much stronger than her now. I would have liked to help. Already they were churning her insides. Her Mom was still blind as ever. This might be the last time for Mom. She is losing her mind. Her body weak and wounded by the years.

I watched grandma blast the big kids, not seeing Mom. It hurt. Mom was so innocent, so precious, so warm, so defenseless. In a storm of rage,  Mom had spirit.

I left. Granddad was nowhere in sight. I was sure he'd be there soon.

If I were God, Mom could be Mom. After all, it wasn't real if I was real. All I have is I. I gave Mom a new name. And called her Earth. And I know Granddads name is love. He brought the Smar Tapes to Mom.

They all felt me leave and
Maybe they'll want to come
And follow me.
If I were God
They could.
I was a 
Smar Tape
Once
Too.

And "the dream" goes  on...........





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