About 6 years ago, I met a lady online.
She contacted me after I posted my near death experience on a news group. She
told me about being here with her many thousands of years ago. She told me about
the clay people and how protective I was of them. And how when the beam came to
take us back, I had pushed her into the beam, unable to leave the clay people
She had come back to look for me and to
take me back. She knew that I had been hurt and was not easily recognized in the
sea of humanity, with me looking like one of the clay people. I fell in love,
trusting in her words, the memory I appeared to have lost, so beautifully
portrayed. In all my life, just one could touch me, just one might know my
thoughts, and just one might be the other.
It was exciting as all encounters might
be. My wife and child rejoiced in possibility. Yet of those I loved and love
still, I only felt responsibility to follow my path. Some moves I made, pure
horror, pain given as consequence in the name of all. I can not regret my
actions for in them innocence only danced.
It became clear before long, that the
story of it all placed me in a spot that wasn't my own. Perhaps I am the most
stupid creature to have ever existed. Perhaps I am to dumb to know I'm not
smart. My truth, sense of self, reality does not require me to be in a spot. And
so, the spot I occupy is my own.
Perhaps if I could have truly believed
her, then the story would have unfolded in plain view. Perhaps if I had
committed myself to not 'knowing' and accepting on faith, reality would have
I do not wonder, "these perhaps"
but rather state them as how my mind works. I consider many possible outcomes
and realities. I do dream/imagine that it is possible for two (or more) humans
to be 'clear communicators' and in doing so, the two sides of the coin can be
again joined together as one thing with two sides. I have called this the other.
And have had many close approximations of the other in my life.
I do know from my experiments that at
least two are required. That certain roles/attributes are present/shared/equal,
such as perceiving/being, male/female, knowing/feeling, and believing/loving. Of
course there are others. Kali's mom and I are very close in many ways. We share
the same birthday but 19 years difference. We breathe and pulse together
naturally. However, that is dependent upon my 'caring' or wanting. In all my
life the other has never been far away, but never totally present. Always some
pieces, some aspect cleverly missing or underdeveloped.
Which brings us to the present, the now,
the here of being and perceiving. The place where light slows down. Captured as
it were in bottles, forms, the everyday things in life. In one or more of those
many ideas/words, those moments of existence, a consciousness rises to look upon
it self and marvel at the wonder and awe. The consciousness wonders if it is
alone and so begins the greatest story ever told.
I do not have expectations as to your
story or potential. Nor have I studied possibilities. I have learned that
finding the other is not possible by myself. Nor can the other find me on its
own. Ever the dreamer I am, yet in life have I learned uncertainty and
ambiguity. And in these is where communication gets altered. Where ideas
profound become mundane and the wondrous become commonplace.
For me, the incredible awe I feel when I
realize that it took a universe 12 billions years to make a planet, earth, upon
which I live. That it took 4 billions years for that planet to cook the
ingredients sufficiently well enough to make a body for me. That it took about
40,000 years for me to develop a consciousness. Thinking meat, organic material
with thoughts, a chemical factory with electrical/magnetic controls and sensors.
Absolutely awe some yet to most/many/some of humanity it is commonplace and
Those who would sell their 'religion' fail
to realize that all of humanity is transcended. All it takes is having a sense
There you have my soul, my sense of self,
the essence of my being. Human is not a thing, it is a place where transcendent
beings go to play and share in the wonder of being.
So what happened here on this planet? It's
a very long story I am sure. Probably going back a few million years. Echoes of
that event continue to happen. In that place called human, those echoes,
manifest as persons/personalities. Roles that defy reasoning in their manner and
In my reality, they are just events/people
who played a role in the story, neither good nor evil. Most people have been
taught that Hitler was evil, even in the story of Tommy, there existed a Hitler
who did things considered evil. Someone had to be Hitler because that's how the
story goes. The transcendent being that played Hitler and perhaps other famous
roles as well is neither benign nor malevolent, just part of the story. The
story of Tommy is an awe some story as is the story of every transcendent being.
Slow light, flicker light is all there is
in this universe. Like few other universes, it inherited a vast and wondrous
collection of resources and patterns. It is in those that life has flourished in
structures and foundations of order and assembly. And there that consciousness
buoyed by the energies and chemicals of the brain/body rises and ignites. Some
merely flicker, some glow, while other rage with passion, compelled to
dis-cover, to re-cover the awe and wonder of it all. All are transcendent even
if some don't realize it.
So, I no longer seek the other yet find
her in my dreams. I have finished my work yet find much to do. I enjoy
opportunities to explore and discover. I love to express my self through music,
art, writings, software programs, people management, childcare... I offer any
and all free access to my art, writings, music and self. I love a good story and
can easily imagine. After all everything is just two things. Me and 'not me' the
line/interface between us, where me turns into 'not me' we both have to
choose/control. Neither willing I would hope to lose sight of their self, their
spot, their view. Finding unison does not require compromise, rather a new
language, or form of understanding.