Someone's Dream

About 6 years ago, I met a lady online. She contacted me after I posted my near death experience on a news group. She told me about being here with her many thousands of years ago. She told me about the clay people and how protective I was of them. And how when the beam came to take us back, I had pushed her into the beam, unable to leave the clay people her alone.

She had come back to look for me and to take me back. She knew that I had been hurt and was not easily recognized in the sea of humanity, with me looking like one of the clay people. I fell in love, trusting in her words, the memory I appeared to have lost, so beautifully portrayed. In all my life, just one could touch me, just one might know my thoughts, and just one might be the other.

It was exciting as all encounters might be. My wife and child rejoiced in possibility. Yet of those I loved and love still, I only felt responsibility to follow my path. Some moves I made, pure horror, pain given as consequence in the name of all. I can not regret my actions for in them innocence only danced.

It became clear before long, that the story of it all placed me in a spot that wasn't my own. Perhaps I am the most stupid creature to have ever existed. Perhaps I am to dumb to know I'm not smart. My truth, sense of self, reality does not require me to be in a spot. And so, the spot I occupy is my own.

Perhaps if I could have truly believed her, then the story would have unfolded in plain view. Perhaps if I had committed myself to not 'knowing' and accepting on faith, reality would have changed.

I do not wonder, "these perhaps" but rather state them as how my mind works. I consider many possible outcomes and realities. I do dream/imagine that it is possible for two (or more) humans to be 'clear communicators' and in doing so, the two sides of the coin can be again joined together as one thing with two sides. I have called this the other. And have had many close approximations of the other in my life.

I do know from my experiments that at least two are required. That certain roles/attributes are present/shared/equal, such as perceiving/being, male/female, knowing/feeling, and believing/loving. Of course there are others. Kali's mom and I are very close in many ways. We share the same birthday but 19 years difference. We breathe and pulse together naturally. However, that is dependent upon my 'caring' or wanting. In all my life the other has never been far away, but never totally present. Always some pieces, some aspect cleverly missing or underdeveloped.

Which brings us to the present, the now, the here of being and perceiving. The place where light slows down. Captured as it were in bottles, forms, the everyday things in life. In one or more of those many ideas/words, those moments of existence, a consciousness rises to look upon it self and marvel at the wonder and awe. The consciousness wonders if it is alone and so begins the greatest story ever told.

I do not have expectations as to your story or potential. Nor have I studied possibilities. I have learned that finding the other is not possible by myself. Nor can the other find me on its own. Ever the dreamer I am, yet in life have I learned uncertainty and ambiguity. And in these is where communication gets altered. Where ideas profound become mundane and the wondrous become commonplace.

For me, the incredible awe I feel when I realize that it took a universe 12 billions years to make a planet, earth, upon which I live. That it took 4 billions years for that planet to cook the ingredients sufficiently well enough to make a body for me. That it took about 40,000 years for me to develop a consciousness. Thinking meat, organic material with thoughts, a chemical factory with electrical/magnetic controls and sensors. Absolutely awe some yet to most/many/some of humanity it is commonplace and mundane.

Those who would sell their 'religion' fail to realize that all of humanity is transcended. All it takes is having a sense of self.

There you have my soul, my sense of self, the essence of my being. Human is not a thing, it is a place where transcendent beings go to play and share in the wonder of being.

So what happened here on this planet? It's a very long story I am sure. Probably going back a few million years. Echoes of that event continue to happen. In that place called human, those echoes, manifest as persons/personalities. Roles that defy reasoning in their manner and apparent brutality.

In my reality, they are just events/people who played a role in the story, neither good nor evil. Most people have been taught that Hitler was evil, even in the story of Tommy, there existed a Hitler who did things considered evil. Someone had to be Hitler because that's how the story goes. The transcendent being that played Hitler and perhaps other famous roles as well is neither benign nor malevolent, just part of the story. The story of Tommy is an awe some story as is the story of every transcendent being.

Slow light, flicker light is all there is in this universe. Like few other universes, it inherited a vast and wondrous collection of resources and patterns. It is in those that life has flourished in structures and foundations of order and assembly. And there that consciousness buoyed by the energies and chemicals of the brain/body rises and ignites. Some merely flicker, some glow, while other rage with passion, compelled to dis-cover, to re-cover the awe and wonder of it all. All are transcendent even if some don't realize it.

So, I no longer seek the other yet find her in my dreams. I have finished my work yet find much to do. I enjoy opportunities to explore and discover. I love to express my self through music, art, writings, software programs, people management, childcare... I offer any and all free access to my art, writings, music and self. I love a good story and can easily imagine. After all everything is just two things. Me and 'not me' the line/interface between us, where me turns into 'not me' we both have to choose/control. Neither willing I would hope to lose sight of their self, their spot, their view. Finding unison does not require compromise, rather a new language, or form of understanding.

 




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