The Kidlin, A Journey
She came to us, a gift from God. Innocent, pure and
blessed. She wasnít particularly special or unique; rather she was life and
the promise of the future. She arrived with the usual fanfare and celebration
typical of her kind. To look at her was to look at perfection. The best possible
of all possibilities. Her demeanor did not suggest her profound impact on the
lives of those who would meet her. It was impossible to realize how she would
one day change the reality we lived in.
She came to us without a name or purpose. Like all new
things, she was an expression waiting to be described. Lovely, sweet, and
beautiful, she brightened the day of all that would meet her. Even her tantrums
were artful never betraying her innocence. She began her journey remarkably
uneventfully. Everything seemed normal and ready to go. How much more we
discovered during the first two weeks.
Special that she was, so sensitive and quiet. Lacking
the basic skills necessary for survival, we provided her with our lives. Devoted
to her care and nurturing. Her teaching and comforting. She returned our
devotion by slowing time. Giving us in months and years for moments. So rich the
experience, filled each day with wonder and awe, dulled to the sacrifice of our
lives. She asked for nothing yet she took everything she could. She returned
only faint recognition of our involvement.
We lost everything in the process. Growing ever apart
in living as all those moments happened by. Our lives together, our future, our
dreams, all given and gone. The Kidlin lives with others now. No longer does she
roam my house. It is so quiet here now after all those years of raising her. My
house stays clean and I donít have to worry if I leave a glass of water on the
table. It is hard not to miss her. She was always so happy and generally in a
great mood. Sure she had her moments of sorrow and frustration but they passed
quickly. Leaving only the faintest memory of their happening in the wake of her
ship in this reality.
A group of life changes happened to me. All of those
things that brought stability and security into my life and household evaporated
like some wisp of smoke escaping the final embers of a once intense blaze. With
the Kidlin went most of my external reality. As if she took with her my job, my
house, my wife, and my savings. I am sitting here wondering what to do. SO many
choices of how too live yet it seems I must choose from a very small menu.
Perhaps living in the 21st century or in western society, or maybe
because someone orchestrated my life. I chose to have the capacity and ability
to raise the Kidlin, yet that did not happen.