The Kidlin, A Journey

She came to us, a gift from God. Innocent, pure and blessed. She wasnít particularly special or unique; rather she was life and the promise of the future. She arrived with the usual fanfare and celebration typical of her kind. To look at her was to look at perfection. The best possible of all possibilities. Her demeanor did not suggest her profound impact on the lives of those who would meet her. It was impossible to realize how she would one day change the reality we lived in.

She came to us without a name or purpose. Like all new things, she was an expression waiting to be described. Lovely, sweet, and beautiful, she brightened the day of all that would meet her. Even her tantrums were artful never betraying her innocence. She began her journey remarkably uneventfully. Everything seemed normal and ready to go. How much more we discovered during the first two weeks.

Special that she was, so sensitive and quiet. Lacking the basic skills necessary for survival, we provided her with our lives. Devoted to her care and nurturing. Her teaching and comforting. She returned our devotion by slowing time. Giving us in months and years for moments. So rich the experience, filled each day with wonder and awe, dulled to the sacrifice of our lives. She asked for nothing yet she took everything she could. She returned only faint recognition of our involvement.

We lost everything in the process. Growing ever apart in living as all those moments happened by. Our lives together, our future, our dreams, all given and gone. The Kidlin lives with others now. No longer does she roam my house. It is so quiet here now after all those years of raising her. My house stays clean and I donít have to worry if I leave a glass of water on the table. It is hard not to miss her. She was always so happy and generally in a great mood. Sure she had her moments of sorrow and frustration but they passed quickly. Leaving only the faintest memory of their happening in the wake of her ship in this reality.

A group of life changes happened to me. All of those things that brought stability and security into my life and household evaporated like some wisp of smoke escaping the final embers of a once intense blaze. With the Kidlin went most of my external reality. As if she took with her my job, my house, my wife, and my savings. I am sitting here wondering what to do. SO many choices of how too live yet it seems I must choose from a very small menu. Perhaps living in the 21st century or in western society, or maybe because someone orchestrated my life. I chose to have the capacity and ability to raise the Kidlin, yet that did not happen.


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