The Human Syndrome
It took most all my life to find it. I hate having to
look for something that seems so obvious afterwards. Reluctant to accept
limitations, I grappled with the apparent imperfections of life. Were we not all
together as one source? Entropy it was called. The way of atoms. The journey of
light. Surreal moments of grandeur scattered about. Profound and breath taking
scenes of awe and wonder. Blessed opportunities like blossoms, ripe and
inviting, filling the experience with sights, odors, and sounds. That's how it
looks from the outside, even on a bad day. There is something sacred about life.
At least that is what I have been told. One can never be sure of information.
But it was worth considering. After all what harm is there in looking?
Long ago, in a dark cold space, we began our journey,
our way into the unknown. There was no consequence to consider nor a way to go
back. What will be will be and so began time. Time, a quantity to gauge entropy.
Some years later life began to differentiate itself from the background energy.
This place, twelve billion years from where we started, spinning around a small
star in a young galaxy is my current address. It seemed like the best place to
look after years of careful consideration.
There were some risks involved. Any journey into the
unknown involves risk. Unimaginable. Makes the journey all the more interesting
I suppose. I would need a body. Not knowing if I would survive intact, I
scattered notes and markers in places I was likely to investigate once I had a
body. It was quite a journey into the body. I felt myself sucked into the
vortex, dropped into a tunnel of raw energy, in motion, with a bright light at
the end. I let myself flow with the stream of energy and soon entered into the
light and promptly lost myself in the waves of energy that washed over/through
the brain of the body I now was in.
I learned how to use the body quickly and easily. It
was comfortable and warm. Sensations that I had never experienced before. Warm,
of course, but comfortable was new. The sensory apparatus was spectacular.
Incredible acuity and differentiation. The body/brain was well trained in
science and philosophy. But I was in awe of sensation and feeling. So much input
from the senses, constantly. It was overwhelming. And delicious. Frighteningly
so. It would be nearly ten years before I could think again. Or have a sense of
self amid all the energy present in this body. I am incredibly small, little
more than a tiny flicker of light. The body/universe is incredibly huge and
massive. Nearly 12 billion years in the making. Human adds a new dimension to
I clearly remember the day I started thinking again. It
was about six years after I entered this body. I began to wonder who I was. I
began to do art, music, and writing. I soon found the first of many notes and
markers. Subtle cues and clues designed to modify the brain to accommodate my
way of thought. I did the first of my experiments while living in a commune in
LA. And so began my second phase.
I performed many tests and experiments for more than 20
years. Some involved people and others involved only this body. Communication
became my focus with music, art, and stories my medium. I became fascinated with
the potential of humans. The well developed brain supported a unique form of
consciousness. A transcendent nature. Pure and sublime, a place where awe and
wonder dance. Despite my endeavors, I was not able to realize that potential
(yet?). I suspect it is because of communication flaws caused by the background
noise of existence. Existence is a noisy thing, in addition to the constant hum,
there are pops, and clicks, even waves of compressed noise. Small wonder that
communication is so fragile and delicate.
The past few years have been interesting. Even God
would be proud. I finished my work. I wondered how the experience has changed
me. Would I ever be 'me' again? Or will I forever know being touched as a human.
Will I ever want to forget being touched as a human? Will I ever forget touching
another? Art, music, stories? Some where near the edge, where time has gathered
in great pond. Sparkling in the light, the vast expanse of life covers the
surface. Constantly renewed through streams of consciousness. The Human Syndrome.